RESPECT, Part II, It’s Being Considerate
Be considerate. It’s basically how we show respect. It’s those things we learned in kindergarten–once again. It’s that, “Do unto others as you would have have them do unto you.” How well do I do on an day-to-day basis?
The long official list from yesterday’s post for reference:
Twelve forms of showing respect are:
Care/service respect (providing care and services for elders),
Acquiescent respect (assenting, listening to elders),
Consulting respect (seeking elders for advice),
Precedent respect (providing services to elders first),
Salutatory respect (greeting and saluting elders),
Linguistic respect (using proper language in addressing to elders),
Victual respect (serving drinks and foods of elders’ choice
Gift respect (presenting gifts to elders),
Presentational respect (holding proper manners before elders),
Celebrative respect (celebrating elders’ birthdays),
Spatial respect (furnish elders with comfortable seats), and
Public respect (serving neighborhood elders and elders at large)
That list is long and full of academic language. Let’s break it down. What applies to our situation? Numbers 4,5,6,8,9 either don’t apply or overlap others that do. Of those, I found some things I do well, other areas I need to improve. My self-evaluation:
#1. I give care and services daily and hire help part-time.
#2. I could do better at listening but what to do when I’m faced with listening to confused speech and no segue to the conversation? Hmm, room for improvement here. Be considerate. Be polite.
#3. Consulting, asking for advice, is a tough one also. The G’s have so much wisdom about so many things, but in some areas they’re stuck in the past. I wouldn’t ask their advice on which computer to buy. I do ask Dad’s advice on drains, driveways, or if something breaks. I ask my mom’s advice on cooking or raising chickens. My dad’s dad was a road builder and Dad has an intuitive knowledge of how to fix things. My mom grew up on a farm and was a wonderful cook.
#7. For us, #4 and #7 are about the same. I serve food and drink to my parents first as a matter of practicality because their meat needs per-cutting. I plate their food now before I serve it. I don’t consciously do it to show respect, but I do it.
#10. Celebrating special days such as birthdays. Yes, we do, though we have simplified over the years because the elders get tired easily. Check .
#11 I notice we give spatial respect when our extended family is here. When it’s just us, everyone has their own seat at the table and both parents have special recliner/lift chairs in their room.
#12 Public respect is how our mamas raised us and how we raised our kids. I notice strangers show this, even to my husband and me. While waiting for a restaurant table, younger people offer us their seats. My parents receive this deference at the doctor’s office, etc. Checks for everyone!
The hardest thing for me, in all the above is keeping my words sweet and my attitude humble.
This says succinctly what I am trying to convey.
“Being a caregiver can be a tough responsibility, as the role can be both emotionally and physically taxing. It will demand devotion and patience since the loss of independence is one of the most difficult transitions for anyone who suddenly requires the intrusion of a caregiver. Being patient in difficult situations can be exhausting, but showing our elders respect is always the best choice.
It’s important to remember to be not only considerate, but also polite to people whose bodies and minds are failing them simply because of the hands of time. Ageism exists, but being kind and showing compassion is at least one step in the right direction in a world that is often devoid of manners.”
For more information on Dr. Woodson and her books, like her blog: “Straight Talk with Dr. Cheryl.” Facebook, or website.